This Is What It’s Like to Be an Adult With Separation Anxiety

Have you ever noticed that when your young child starts crying and holds onto your leg tightly whenever you try to leave for work or run an errand, they may be experiencing separation anxiety? It’s a natural part of their development. However, what many people don’t realize is that adults can also experience separation anxiety. It’s not limited to children.

When adults have separation anxiety, they may exhibit various symptoms commonly associated with anxiety. These can include a constant feeling of being on edge, difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly, and physical manifestations such as a dry mouth and headaches. These symptoms can be distressing and interfere with daily life.

What Exactly Is Separation Anxiety?

Separation anxiety is a condition characterized by feelings of fear or distress when being separated from individuals to whom one is emotionally attached. While it is considered normal and even healthy for young children to experience some degree of nervousness or discomfort when apart from their loved ones between the ages of six months and three years, persistent and excessive separation anxiety in later childhood and adulthood can be classified as an anxiety disorder.

The crucial aspect of separation anxiety is that the emotions and behaviors associated with it are disproportionate and not aligned with typical developmental milestones. It becomes a concern when the distress and fear experienced during separations become excessive and are not developmentally appropriate for the individual’s age.

Symptoms of Separation Anxiety

Elizabeth Zakarin, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Columbia University Medical Center, highlights several signs that indicate someone is suffering from separation anxiety. These symptoms may not come as a surprise, but they are important to recognize. One key sign is a constant fear of the possibility of being separated from home or loved ones, even in circumstances beyond their control, such as a house fire or natural disaster.

Individuals with separation anxiety disorder struggle with situations that take them away from their loved ones. They may experience extreme distress and anxiety when anticipating overnight business trips that require being away from their child or spouse. They may also have recurrent thoughts related to being separated from their loved ones or display overprotective behavior towards their children. Significant life changes, such as going away to college, moving, or getting married, can be particularly challenging for adults with separation anxiety.

Furthermore, those with separation anxiety may obsessively worry that something bad will happen to their loved ones when they are away, such as illness or death. They may be reluctant to spend time away from home, even for school or work. These individuals dislike being alone and may have separation-themed nightmares. Additionally, they may experience physical symptoms like headaches, nausea, or heart palpitations when anticipating or experiencing separation from someone they are close to.

These feelings and symptoms can significantly impact relationships and daily life. Separation anxiety disorder can have profound consequences in social and work settings, leading to social isolation, difficulties in maintaining employment or career advancement, challenges in relationships, and overall dissatisfaction with life.

Who Gets Separation Anxiety?

In the past, separation anxiety disorder was primarily associated with childhood, but the understanding has evolved. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) now recognizes that separation anxiety disorder can occur in both children and adults, categorizing it as an anxiety disorder rather than solely a childhood disorder.

It is important to note that underdiagnosis of adult separation anxiety disorder has been observed, and data from a nationally representative survey suggests a lifetime prevalence rate of 6.6 percent for this condition. While individuals who experienced separation anxiety in childhood are at an increased risk of developing adult separation anxiety, it is also possible to develop this anxiety disorder as an adult without a prior history.

Certain factors can contribute to the development of adult separation anxiety. Significant life transitions like moving away to college, becoming a parent, or experiencing a life stressor or loss can trigger this anxiety, particularly in individuals who have an underlying anxiety disorder. Additionally, a family history of separation anxiety disorder or other mental health disorders may increase the risk.

Treating Separation Anxiety

Effective treatments are available for separation anxiety, providing hope for those experiencing its challenges.

Evidence-based therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) have shown success in treating separation anxiety. These therapies can help individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns, develop coping strategies, and gradually expose themselves to anxiety-inducing situations in a controlled manner.

Couples or family counseling can also be beneficial, facilitating healthier interactions and communication between the individual and their loved ones. In some cases, medications such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) may be prescribed to help reduce anxiety symptoms.

Open and honest communication with loved ones is crucial. Sharing your experience and concerns can foster understanding and support from those close to you. It is important to engage in these conversations so that your loved ones can be there for you during the treatment process.

Seeking professional help from a healthcare provider is essential for an accurate diagnosis and to develop a comprehensive treatment plan. With the right support and treatment, individuals with separation anxiety can make significant progress, resolve underlying issues, and lead fulfilling lives.

Remember, you don’t have to face separation anxiety alone. Reaching out for support and exploring appropriate treatment options can provide a path towards healing and improved well-being.

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